'i see' said the blind man. 'no you dont' said the dumb man

do u still have my number

look under the name

'passive aggressive beta with a serious victim complex'

now if you text me i will buy you

the housewife's dream shopping list

• foot spa massager thing
• body scale with body fat analyzer and 3 other functions
• big ass stainless steel washing machine
• nice jeans

cause u have nice genes

• automatic toothbrush with adjustable speed

and i will help u to find the right speed

so it won't make ur sweet mouth bleed

how many calories do you burn when you cry

are you there god, it's me Whitney

lying in my fancy bathtub

BathtubCity, USA

it feels like freedom but it's shitty

and i can't describe how

this is my last bath

i am drowning slowly

i am the Titanic 3D

the director's cut that nobody will watch

it.does.not.matter

i am a siren, don't they know

it's the end of the world

a depressed siren

no i am, like, tina turner

i AM tina turner

i am simply the best

wow

i will potentially always love you, i guess

but it's too late now, bobby

how do people talk to each other ever

avoiding eye contact with strangers like someone's paying me to do that

im looking for a cat

a beautiful cat with eyes that glow in the dark

not necessarily an hypoallergenic cat

cause im not allergic to cats

looking for a cat with a focus and a temper

but not really

more

like

a cat that is really silent

and when he/she'd meow

i'd mark the calendar with an 'X'

not looking for a cat that loves to smoke weed

(via second-hand smoking)

cause im not 18 anymore

and it's not highschool anymore

i dont know

i phoned a person tonight

her ad said she was named 'nelly'

and had a cat to give away for free

including taxes

and a small cat house

and all the belongings of the cat

but 'nelly' said the cat was unavailable

i think she lied

i can't prove it

she didn't like my voice

i sounded dumb

so now i hate her

please

dont tell anyone

about

what an awful person i am

i envy those people who die alone in their apartment and get eaten by their pet the following week

i had a work-related dream last night

they suddenly wanted me to become a chief cook

and cook for 500 persons in addition to my vaguely scientific job

i tried to explain that it was impossible

they told me there was no other way

and a conspiracy theme song was playing in the background

i said:

'jesus, im so skinny, i cannot even cook for myself

and how do you expect me to cook for ≈ 500 persons'

they said:

'look here junior, don't you be so skinny

and for heaven's sake don't you be so sad'

the conspiracy theme song kept on playing

cause there was no other way

and by the end of the dream i agreed to become the chief cook

:(

i dont know what i would have to tell you to make you believe i mean it

socrates said 'i know one thing, that i know nothing'

somebody else said 'i don't even know if i know nothing'

i dont know who said it

i watched a documentary where a fish was dying and spinning on itself while drowning into the water

i want to eat a lot, become real fat and be transported to work every morning by helicopter

i want to have a liposuction performed on me by careless doctors, and have all my flesh accidentally absorbed by the liposuction machine.

i want somebody to lecture me for a very long time and when it’s over i would feel incredibly guilty about stuff im not even responsible for.

if u give me ur fb password, i’ll pretend to be u and write cool stuff to ur friends.

someday, somebody will tell me im ‘passive aggressive’.

October

'You are nice' usually means 'i want to treat you like shit'

I have written a list of things i don't want to do anymore

and it made me feel successful

I have watched a youtube video named 'Crazy Russian Kids'

and it made me feel dizzy

'I am tired' usually means 'i dont want to'