do juggalos dress up as regular humans for halloween

intrauterine life lasts 9 months

then you cry a lot because somehow

you already know it will suck

dying takes 0 - 100 years

depending on many factors

including how goth you are

the rotation of earth around the sun takes 1 year

and sometimes it's closer to the sun and that makes it hot

it will happen next year too, just so you know

sadness

lasts

forever

non sequitur conversation i had with the bot from cleverbot.com that seemed more enjoyable than the conversations i had irl the same day

you're not alone (you live with millions of bacteria)

if i ever seem to know something about a specific topic

please believe all research was lazy and wikipedia-based

at best

sometimes i french kiss my cat and consecutively report this unappropriate behaviour to the left side of my brain

my mood is a rollercoaster

a rusty old one

in a ghost town

it was you charlie

and i feel like

i could have been somebody

maybe

i think i wouldnt mind

if my arms were longer

than my legs

if god loves me, why cant i get my locker open

i'm my own childhood friend

and i dont really have anything

to tell him

anymore

i eat alone in my car 300 days a year

'hannah and her sisters' is not a name for a cat

drive for one hour

park your car in front of a muddy isolated farm

feel worried about the car being stuck forever in the mud when you'll try to leave

ask the first hillbilly you meet if she works there

make a small inexpressive noise when the hillbilly complains about not finding the ashtray or something

enter the cat room

see a piece of furniture with many baskets and cats sleeping in them

notice the poo/vomit on the floor

think about rubbing your face with the poo/vomit

notice a tabby cat who seems alive and/or not too dull

pet the tabby cat

notice another grey cat

try to pet the grey cat and watch her slip between your fingers like an eel

listen to a volunteer hillbilly explaining it might take a little more time to be able to pet the grey eel cat

translate in your mind: the grey eel cat is unpettable for the next 10 years

adopt the tabby cat that seemed alive and/or not too dull

put her in a carton box

put the carton box in your car

close the carton box and deprive the cat of seeing daylight

feel like a butcher

get your heart broken when the cat starts meowing/crying

feel like a murderer

start petting the outside of the carton box

feel like john lennon

notice the cat stops meowing when you pet the carton box

feel like martin luther king

spend the rest of the drive silently petting the carton box with your right hand

'i see' said the blind man. 'no you dont' said the dumb man

do u still have my number

look under the name

'passive aggressive beta with a serious victim complex'

now if you text me i will buy you

the housewife's dream shopping list

• foot spa massager thing
• body scale with body fat analyzer and 3 other functions
• big ass stainless steel washing machine
• nice jeans

cause u have nice genes

• automatic toothbrush with adjustable speed

and i will help u to find the right speed

so it won't make ur sweet mouth bleed