i envy those people who die alone in their apartment and get eaten by their pet the following week

i had a work-related dream last night

they suddenly wanted me to become a chief cook

and cook for 500 persons in addition to my vaguely scientific job

i tried to explain that it was impossible

they told me there was no other way

and a conspiracy theme song was playing in the background

i said:

'jesus, im so skinny, i cannot even cook for myself

and how do you expect me to cook for ≈ 500 persons'

they said:

'look here junior, don't you be so skinny

and for heaven's sake don't you be so sad'

the conspiracy theme song kept on playing

cause there was no other way

and by the end of the dream i agreed to become the chief cook

:(

i dont know what i would have to tell you to make you believe i mean it

socrates said 'i know one thing, that i know nothing'

somebody else said 'i don't even know if i know nothing'

i dont know who said it

i watched a documentary where a fish was dying and spinning on itself while drowning into the water

i want to eat a lot, become real fat and be transported to work every morning by helicopter

i want to have a liposuction performed on me by careless doctors, and have all my flesh accidentally absorbed by the liposuction machine.

i want somebody to lecture me for a very long time and when it’s over i would feel incredibly guilty about stuff im not even responsible for.

if u give me ur fb password, i’ll pretend to be u and write cool stuff to ur friends.

someday, somebody will tell me im ‘passive aggressive’.