Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Tiny Girls (Chronology)

when the day begins
you find long blonde hair in the valleys of your couch
and make a little doll with them
the doll whispers in german she’s voodoo
then she makes a face
and you just have to laugh

so you turn around
start sticking pins into it
the doll gets grumpy from needles and pins
bad arm position she says
her eyes give you that suspicious look
and simultaneously send a successful poop gif from her phone

a few minutes later everybody discovers David Bowie died

Monday, December 7, 2015

app ideas

Here's an idea for an application for people with low/no self-discipline. The application would automatically turn off the electricity in your apartment at midnight and lock the computer/phone, forcing you to go to bed because there would not be much left to do in the dark. 

The app would be named "second mother".

And if you liked this one, wait until you hear the next one:

Another app would monitor many characteristics of your sleep (how many centimeters you moved, your average body position, the amount of body fluid lost in part per million) and automatically send those sleep data on some kind of instagram. 

The app would simply be named: “This App Wont Make Me Rich But At Least You Will Know What Happens When You Sleep” (for short: T.A.W.M.M.R.B.A.L.Y.W.K.W.H.W.Y.S).

But don't write it as “T.A.W.M.M.R.B.S.L.Y.W.K.W.H.W.Y.S” with an S instead of the A at the 8th position, other people would think it means: 

“This App Wont Make Me Rich But Someone Loved You When Knitting Winter Headbands Wasn’t Yet Successful”.

Please be careful…

Tinder message

If i soundlessly murdered a small child for a fish & chips, the police would certainly search my phone afterwards and find these messages and then they would raid into your house in the middle of the night and handcuff you to a spooning French lawyer that would happen to be sleeping in your bed even though he didn’t like dogs much but he felt that spooning behind you was totally worth overcoming his fear of dogs cause your skin was kind of soft and mostly hairless, on the breasts especially that’s better, and also he would master the art of spooning and know that bad arm placement can result in his arm falling asleep or an inability to leave the spooning position since he would have read a full wikihow page about it in the darkness of your bathroom on his iphone 6 which he planed on changing as soon as another iphone would come out because that’s what lawyers do, right, to please their inner spoiled bratty child and if I get back to the story the inspectors would find my DNA on some leftover cookies and dried tea molecules and they would use it as evidence that you knew about this and that you could have stopped this if only you wanted to, you will feel guilty and cry a little and the French lawyer will bring out his fishing rod because lips that taste of tears are the best for fishing they say.

Unsure about tense harmony in the whole paragraph above, though

Sunday, November 15, 2015


one night of bad sleep equals to six months of a very sugary diet

coffee is good bad not evil for your heart but potentially cancer-causing for your bladder

practicing a physical activity for thirty minutes everyday is not enough

and one single can of soda contains more sugar than your whole daily needs

five vegetables should be eaten everyday but they’re semi full of pesticides

meat is murder

fishes have feelings too

you might as well survive on sunlight alone

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

lou reed died

i once had a birthday
all the leaves fell off the tree outside my place
the days got shorter and colder
you messaged me
said it was butt dialing

i once had a nightmare
a storm was hitting a camping site
tents were flying around
i was walking in a river of mud
looking for you

jack victor ashley and everyone they knew

‘The young and the restless’ is known in france under the dramatic name ‘les feux de l’amour’. ‘Fires of love’. My grandmother used to watch it at 13h00, everyday, year after year. Then my grandfather passed away, the television remained turned off. And jack, victor, ashley went their own way.

nothing much to say: a memoir

During my first year of junior high school, I once accidentally had lunch at the cafeteria, sitting face to face alone with the most popular/cool boy of my class (late 90s standards). Amazingly enough, we did not have much to say. Struggling behind my foggy glasses i took the big leap :

- i think Jennifer was prettier before she had braces on…
- hell yeah
- ...
- ...
- ...
- ...
(from here to eternity)