Wednesday, November 7, 2012

tupac is alive with hennessy and coke

when i was young there was a small black and white drawing pinned on a board at my grandmother's house

it was hanging on a wall near the telephone

you could see two 70+ years old holding hands dancing together

one was asking to the other:

'of course you love me now...
but will you still love me when im old?'

and i remember i didnt understand how it was funny/sad

Sunday, October 7, 2012

love is kinda crazy with a spooky lil girl like you

these are godless times
you're in the shower
and there's blood on your legs
let's pray together

i should have told you
you're a woman now
the first sin was the prom
let's pray together

Eve was weak
and so were you 
Carrie White
let's pray for the last time together

you, the knife and i

Sunday, September 2, 2012

each time we have a squirrel it almost breaks my heart

look out!
the sky is grey
my memory is bleeding
and you're always 7 hours late

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

mais ne nous délivrez pas du mal

i like easy things
easy challenges
with easy accomplishments
baby talking
oh well 
barely talking
at all
i wanna scratch your back
or bite you
if that's easy to do too
flowers of romance
lips that taste of tears
how do i miss
cat kisses you sent
from your little dinosaur eyes

Monday, August 6, 2012

tears for bowie

knock knock
who's there
not you
not anymore

Friday, July 13, 2012

have no fear little one im here to protect thee

last night i dreamed about you
you were wearing white jeans
and holding a telephone 
you had a rare brain disease
and asked me to confirm that
you were really holding a telephone
you slowly immersed half of your face
into a corrosive acid bath
the green acid dripped from your face
but it did not bur

Monday, July 9, 2012

why isnt god giving cash prizes

let's move to manhattan
let's be friends with the neighbors
let's have lunches with the neighbors
let's drink homemade vitamin juice
it has an undertaste
let's cut your hair
it looks awful
did you really pay for that
let's have a baby
let's have a painful pregnancy
let's see another doctor
a new one
a better one
let's drink more homemade vitamin juice
all of them juices
wait no nevermind it just stopped suddenly
the pain
there is no conspiracy
what the hell rosemary
let's give birth to the baby now
satan is his father
and his name is adrian

Saturday, June 23, 2012

they use blood in their rituals and the blood with the most power is baby's blood

when you mumbled
'it looks like you have never eaten anything' 
your lips barely moved at all

when you walked into that filthy crowd
like jesus on the water but not really
your feet barely moved at all

when you kissed me goodbye
a semi-confusion followed 
and the earth barely moved at all

Friday, June 15, 2012

monolithic ass face

after the nurse stuck a needle in my arm
and after my blood pressure suddenly dropped

after she complained about not being able to fill up her syringe
and after my nonexistent soul started to leave my body

that's when she offered me 
a small chocolate brownie

Friday, June 1, 2012

sophie hurts

non-exhaustive list of the things sophie said that night:

- i hope the concert starts soon

- no i dont want a drink

- i just reply 'yes' but i have no idea what you're talking about

- im not really into the cat thing

- im complicated

- ok im leaving

Sunday, May 27, 2012

if it kills me and it will

i went to that 'outdoor 80s party'
it was nice there
i hated it
no i dont know
that girl had a nice shirt
a woman's shirt
i would wear it too
you're my heart you're my soul
oh well
did i accidentally create an empty space 
around me
if i wear sunglasses nodoby will see me
wake me up before you go go
you dont really have to
because you're not going home with me
how old is 'too old to party'
some of them were like 40+ years old, right 
take on me  
whatever that means 
cigarette ashes leave white stains on black jeans 
dont you know it 
take my breathe away wow 
coud it be the best song ever

if that gross guy touches his genitals again
and he did
i will leave

Friday, May 25, 2012

recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum

five years from now i want to be piloting a huge ass time machine and organize group tours for people who wish somebody had 'cock-blocked' their father on the day they met their mother

the only problem being 'whats the standard fare for a time-travel' 

more realistically though

i want to own a cat café like they have in tokyo

the only problem being 'how to keep the cat café clean and shit-free'

i dont know

i wouldnt mind living in a black hole, i guess

Saturday, May 19, 2012

sometimes i feel that if i burn things im doing you a favor

you take the elevator when you hear the neighbors talking in the staircase

you cry when you watch funny TV shows and wipe your tears with the fur of your cat

you accidentally wear cardigans made of cat hair

you easily get hurt

wow so easily


you know that not washing the dishes never has any real consequences

you know nothing

you said his story was cool and you called him 'bro'

you went on a school trip for one week in england 10 years ago and did not talk to anybody

you feel dizzy all the time now

Thursday, May 17, 2012

mumbling out loud

you are my favorite rapper ever

or r'n'b singer

i dont know

i loved ur last album

and i will love the next one even more

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

congratulations on feeling a little bit worse each day

sometimes i make very small changes and i expect them to have MAJOR consequences

recently i moved 3 black pillows from a chair to the couch


Monday, April 30, 2012

i would defeat your dad in a wet tee-shirt contest

sexy girl asks me for a light
sexy girl steps on my feet 
a little
sexy girl sees me as a giant lighter carrier
- sexy girl i like your top
- it's a dress
- it's a tee shirt
- it's a sock
no i dont know
sexy girl it's ok if you want to steal my lighter
i dont want to give it to you
but if you steal it from me i wont say anything
do you want me to teach you 
how to soundlessly murder an infant, sexy girl?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

do you remember when you spoke with a baby voice and i wanted to punch you a little

i wouldnt mind if a tsunami hit me in the face when i sleep

i wouldnt mind living in a country where cats would make all the important political decisions

i wouldnt mind lecturing a small group of students about something non-controversial, like vacuum cleaners

i wouldnt mind being unsure about everything but im probably wrong

Friday, April 20, 2012

we can still be ≈ friends

i want to organize an event named 

'big mass exodus from my life'

everybody will join 

or at least 'tentatively attend'

and when they come

i will just wave goodbye 

with a barely perceptible hand motion

Sunday, April 15, 2012

underaged bat pregnancy

under a good light you could see all my ribs
through the front of my chest
and count them to sleep
but it's really dark here
and i don't particularly have a light
yesterday the bats have left my apartment
cause i've been crying for the last 10 000 years
and the floor was a little flooded
just kidding
they never left
i offered them black roses
dyed industrially

Saturday, April 14, 2012

short story tentatively named 'titanic 3D' or 'brigitte bardot'

i wish Prunelle was a radio-controlled floating cat
she would still be a domestic cat
except with additional floating abilities

for some reason

on a sunny afternoon
i would bring her to the lake
drive her super fast
possibly break a few world records too


after a month or so
her fan base would have grown a lot
and when i'd bring her to the lake
people would be all like

'oh shit, it's Floating Prunelle over here'

that's when i would quit my corporate job
to travel with Floating Prunelle to asia
until she would catch a rare aquatic disease
causing her lungs to be replaced with water lilies

because of me

Prunelle would cough a lot and give up smoking
but she should never have started smoking in the first place
i would bring her to a mountainous place where the air is so dry
that it can cure many aquatic diseases
she would stay in bed for several months
in a mix-gender (humans + cats) hospital
run by a precocious young doctor

soon enough

the water lilies that replaced her lungs would stop growing
and i would start writing an evasive poetry book
about her rare aquatic disease
and how she became
a radio-controlled

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

the ultimate guide to conversation: high school 'stoner' edition

________ smokes weed with his mother/father. it's really cool

when i'll have my own appartement, i'll grow weed. it'll be really cool

it's when im NOT high that my parents usually think im high. it's not really cool but also kinda cool in a way

marijuana can cure diseases and all. it's really cool

______ is always high. he's really cool

native american indians, vietnam soldiers and shakespeare all smoked weed. that's why they were all really cool

in holland u can buy weed everywhere it's not illegal. it's really cool

we made some weed cookies yesterday and ate them and i cant really confirm if it was really cool cause we were already high when we ate them. guess it was really cool, though

Sunday, April 1, 2012

michael jordan

when i was 8
or maybe 9
i played basketball for one year
i think

i only have 2 memories of my NBA junior years

the first one is that time when i skipped the weekly training
because i had a stomachache
and i went to the hospital
and they said i should eat more vegetables

the second one is that basketball match i played
i dont remember who won
i dont remember who were the opponents
i dont remember if i even touched the ball once
i dont remember if the trainer gave us a pre-game pep talk
i dont remember if we showered collectively
or if we showered at all

but i know this match happened
because i saw a picture of it
in my parents old photo book

Sunday, March 25, 2012

do juggalos dress up as regular humans for halloween

intrauterine life lasts 9 months
then you cry a lot because somehow
you already know it will suck

dying takes 0 - 100 years
depending on many factors
including how goth you are

the rotation of earth around the sun takes 1 year
and sometimes it's closer to the sun and that makes it hot
it will happen next year too, just so you know


Saturday, March 17, 2012

you're not alone (you live with millions of bacteria)

if i ever seem to know something about a specific topic

please believe all research was lazy and wikipedia-based

at best

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

sometimes i french kiss my cat and consecutively report this unappropriate behaviour to the left side of my brain

my mood is a rollercoaster

a rusty old one

in a ghost town

it was you charlie

and i feel like

i could have been somebody


i think i wouldnt mind

if my arms were longer

than my legs

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

if god loves me, why cant i get my locker open

i'm my own childhood friend
and i dont really have anything
to tell him

i eat alone in my car 300 days a year

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

'hannah and her sisters' is not a name for a cat

drive for one hour

park your car in front of a muddy isolated farm

feel worried about the car being stuck forever in the mud when you'll try to leave

ask the first hillbilly you meet if she works there

make a small inexpressive noise when the hillbilly complains about not finding the ashtray or something

enter the cat room

see a piece of furniture with many baskets and cats sleeping in them

notice the poo/vomit on the floor

think about rubbing your face with the poo/vomit

notice a tabby cat who seems alive and/or not too dull

pet the tabby cat

notice another grey cat

try to pet the grey cat and watch her slip between your fingers like an eel

listen to a volunteer hillbilly explaining it might take a little more time to be able to pet the grey eel cat

translate in your mind: the grey eel cat is unpettable for the next 10 years

adopt the tabby cat that seemed alive and/or not too dull

put her in a carton box

put the carton box in your car

close the carton box and deprive the cat of seeing daylight

feel like a butcher

get your heart broken when the cat starts meowing/crying

feel like a murderer

start petting the outside of the carton box

feel like john lennon

notice the cat stops meowing when you pet the carton box

feel like martin luther king

spend the rest of the drive silently petting the carton box with your right hand

Sunday, February 26, 2012

'i see' said the blind man. 'no you dont' said the dumb man

do u still have my number

look under the name

'passive aggressive beta with a serious victim complex'

now if you text me i will buy you

the housewife's dream shopping list

  • foot spa massager thing
  • body scale with body fat analyzer and 3 other functions
  • big ass stainless steel washing machine
  • nice jeans

cause u have nice genes

  • automatic toothbrush with adjustable speed

and i will help u to find the right speed

so it won't make ur sweet mouth bleed